Parenting plays a crucial role in shaping children’s lives from the very beginning. It’s a profound responsibility that involves understanding the influences on children at home and in the world. This blog post delves into the art of effective parenting and explores the shift from the “Orphan Spirit” to the spirit of “Sonship” in the context of raising children and being the best parents we can be.

Parenting a Strong Foundation

At the heart of effective parenting lies the recognition that each child is unique, with their own temperaments and aspirations. The greatest responsibility of a parent is to create an environment that nurtures and empowers children to walk in the way of righteousness.

The core principles of child development remain steadfast. Children need a secure environment, a structured routine, emotional support, and love to thrive. It’s these fundamentals that provide the foundation for effective parenting. However, this is really down to the strength, well-being, and behavior of the parents to provide this for their children. Parents need to lead by example, as children learn most by imitating their parents.

Focusing on Relationships

To become good parents, we must first be good sons and daughters. This understanding enables us to respond to love, honor, and enjoy relationships. But what happens if you didn’t have a good relationship with your parents as a child, or if you were raised by a single mum, or if your parents were around but weren’t present, or if you were abused by one or both of your parents? When rejection and abandonment occur in life, it can often open doors to the orphan spirit.

What Is The Orphan Spirit? 

The term “orphan spirit” refers to a deep-seated sense of abandonment and rejection that has plagued humanity since the days of Adam and Eve’s expulsion from the Garden of Eden, where their disobedience separated them from God’s presence. The orphan spirit is connected to the spirit of slavery and the consequences of this spirit have been profound, giving rise to jealousy, resentment, loneliness, alienation, and acts of violence, such as the tragic story of Cain and Abel. However, it is not just an ancient curse; in contemporary times, the breakdown of the traditional family structure has left countless individuals growing up without the love and security of their biological fathers.

Why The Orphan Spirit is a Problem in Parenting

The repercussions of this epidemic are far-reaching, affecting emotional, physical, and spiritual well-being. Alienation from God and earthly fathers is at the root of many societal ills. Orphaned individuals often struggle to connect with their spouses, children, spiritual leaders, and supervisors. They find it challenging to accept and love themselves, leading to destructive behavior patterns. Prisons are brimming with people who, having experienced abandonment by their earthly fathers, have turned to lives of violence and rebellion. In life, we see many people (men and women) of great influence driven by an insatiable need for their father’s affirmation, creating a void that no amount of success, performance, or person can fill.

Sonship: Revelation of The Father’s Love

The antidote to this orphan spirit lies in embracing the Father’s love in Christ. This transformative love allows individuals to mature into sons and daughters of God, serving out of gratitude for His unmerited grace rather than striving to earn His love through their performance.  We can break free from the orphan spirit and embark on a journey of sonship. This journey leads to an abundant life, as offered by our divine Heavenly Father, who gave His only Son (Jesus) for our salvation. It is in His love that we find true fulfillment, purpose, and healing, which significantly improves our relationship with others and also our parenting skills. 

Characteristics of the Orphan Spirit

One of the key signs of the orphan spirit is the constant need to compete and stand out. Spiritual orphans often feel unaccepted and, as a result, seek to prove their worth. This may lead to behaviors such as:

– Seeking to hide their own limitations.

– Viewing the strengths of others as competition.

– Secretly finding satisfaction in the weaknesses of others.

– Craving attention.

21 Signs of the Orphan Spirit 

• 1) Overly defensive behavior, becoming extremely self-protective
• 2) Lack of trust in relationships and in God
• 3) Extremely selfish and prideful
• 4) Intense jealousy and very competitive
• 5) Constantly comparing themselves to others
• 6) Controlling and manipulative 
• 7) Want to correct others, but do not like to be corrected
• 8) Spend more time criticizing than building
• 9) Afraid of commitment and lasting relationships
• 10) View relationships as opportunities
• 11) Easily offended and offensive
• 12) Fearful and insecure
• 13) Sense of shame
• 14) Always striving 
• 15) Fighting for survival and existence 
• 16) Unstable and double-minded 
• 17) Stunted emotional development 
• 18) Seeking approval from affirmation or achievements 
• 19) Wasteful and non-productive
• 20) Isolated or extremely independent 
• 21) Unrealistic and extremely high expectations

They also have an unhealthy longing for power which tends to form false identities such as: 

• Workaholics
• People Pleaser 
• The Victim 
• Control Freak 

Those with the Orphan spirit don’t know their true identity in Christ, they can often imitate and copy others who they follow instead of imitating Jesus. This identity crisis can have various consequences, impacting individuals in different ways. Some common consequences of an identity crisis may include:

• 1) Low Self-Esteem: When individuals struggle with their identity, they often experience a lack of self-confidence and self-worth. They may doubt their abilities and have a negative self-image.
• 2) Anxiety and Depression: Identity crises can lead to feelings of anxiety and depression as individuals grapple with uncertainty about who they are and where they fit in. This can be mentally and emotionally draining.
• 3) Difficulty in Decision-Making: A shaky sense of self can make it challenging to make important life decisions. People may feel unsure about their values, goals, and priorities, which can lead to indecisiveness.
• 4) Relationship Struggles: Uncertainty about one’s identity can affect relationships. Individuals may struggle to connect with others, express their needs, or maintain healthy relationships.
• 5) Social Isolation: Some people experiencing an identity crisis may withdraw from social interactions due to a fear of judgment or rejection. This isolation can lead to feelings of loneliness and despair.
• 6) Risk-Taking Behaviour: In an attempt to find their identity or cope with the crisis, some individuals might engage in risky behaviors like substance abuse, reckless activities, or impulsive decision-making.
• 7) Academic or Career Challenges: A lack of self-identity can hinder academic and career progress. It may lead to poor academic performance, difficulty in choosing a career path, or job dissatisfaction.
• 8) Physical Health Issues: The stress and emotional turmoil associated with an identity crisis can manifest physically, leading to health problems like insomnia, headaches, and other stress-related ailments.
• 9) Identity Confusion: In severe cases, an identity crisis may lead to chronic identity confusion, where individuals constantly question their values, beliefs, and roles.
• 10) Missed Opportunities: An unresolved identity crisis can prevent individuals from pursuing their true passions, achieving their potential, and seizing life opportunities.

What is my true Identity? 

It’s important to note that Titles are Roles such as (pastor, teacher, prophet, manager, etc) are not to be confused with your identity. Your desires do not determine your identity either. Your identity is found in Jesus, in the spirit of Sonship. The holy spirit establishes identity and builds your character. Sonship is not subject to gender, sonship applies to both men and women. Sonship means one who can sustain the same nature.

Sons and daughters know they are accepted, they move from Love, not for love. They work cause they are accepted not so they can be accepted. 

Ryan LeStrange has some great teachings on signs and symptoms of the orphan spirit, check out the video below for more info.

Lessons from the Prodigal Son

The Parable of the Prodigal Son, found in the Gospel of Luke (Luke 15:11-32), narrates the story of a younger son who asks his father for his share of the inheritance and then recklessly squanders it in a distant land, leading to a life of destitution. Realizing his mistakes, he returns home, humbly asking for forgiveness. His father warmly welcomes him with open arms and a grand feast.

However, this parable also introduces the elder brother, who resents his younger sibling’s return and the warm reception he receives. The elder brother symbolizes the religious spirit that’s self-righteous. His reaction underscores the message of God’s boundless love, grace, and forgiveness for all, regardless of their past transgressions or self-righteousness. It emphasizes that God’s love is available to everyone.

It’s essential to know the father’s heart (God’s heart) towards you, the story of the prodigal son demonstrates the father’s heart, when the son repented and came home the father didn’t judge him, instead, he welcomed him home.

Any father’s wounds must be healed, and this takes faith and trust depending on your willingness to let go and learn about God’s love and acceptance. 

Galatians 4:7  – ‘So you are no longer a slave, but God’s child; and since you are his child, God has made you also an heir.’

Romans 8:14-17 – ‘For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God. The Spirit you received does not make you slaves so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him, we cry, “Abba, Father.” The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children. Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.’

Although we may associate ‘Abba’ with the father, the role of ‘Abba’ is actually:

⁃ The source

⁃ The sustainer

⁃ The defender

So yes any man can biologically be a father, but to provide and protect is what a Father truly is, someone who is the source, who sustains and defends.

Apostle Joshua Selman explains this very well, check out the video below.

Spiritual Fathers and Mothers

Having an authority figure (spiritual father/mother) helps to refine your character and guides you to become aligned to true Sonship which essentially is led by the Holy Spirit. Your spiritual father/mother should speak to your vision and dream, igniting hope.  

Examples of this relationship in the Bible:

⁃ Abraham and Isaac

⁃ Ruth and Naomi

⁃ Esther and Mordecai

⁃ Moses and Pharaoh’s daughter

⁃ Paul and Timothy

Orphans vs Sonship

Mentality	Orphans	Sons
Relationship with God	Unstable relationship with God	Total dependence on the goodness of God
Relationship with Others	Uses people as instruments to achieve personal goals, often resorting to manipulation	Serves and empowers people to fulfill their destinies in Christ, valuing genuine connections
Success of Others	Is jealous of the success of others and finds satisfaction in their failures	Is committed to the success of others, rejoicing in their victories and offering support.
Pursuit of Success	Driven by the relentless pursuit of success to fill the void left by their father’s absence.	Allows the Spirit to lead them into their calling and mission, relying on God’s guidance, not their achievements.
Motivation	Serves to earn the Father’s love and approval, leading to a performance-driven life	Serves and empowers people to fulfill their destinies in Christ, valuing genuine connections
Response to Adversity	Adversity becomes their identity; often victim mentality	Rise above adversity, exuding confidence in their God-given identity; avoid comparing themselves to others
Coping Mechanisms	Seeks solace through physical stimulation and superficial pleasures to numb internal alienation.	Serves out of a deep sense of divine acceptance and favor, unburdened by the need to earn love
Handling Problems	Problems dictate their lives; often lack understanding of their relationship with God	Maintain unwavering faith in God, viewing Him as their protector and provider; establish a deep, stable connection with God
Trust and Judgment	Suspicion, judgment, and criticism; sometimes confuse discernment with suspicion; trust issues	Readily place trust in God and their relationships, and have a sharp sense of discernment to acknowledge which relationships to trust.
Focus	Primarily self-benefit and self-promotion	Draws comfort from the joy and presence of the Lord, understanding that true fulfillment comes from a relationship with God.
Handling Opposition	Succumb to insecurity and fear, squandering energy when faced with opposition	Wisely conserve energy and remain impervious to the enemy’s condemnation and accusations
Giving and Doing	Limit efforts to what is necessary or can be overlooked	Exhibit generosity beyond conventional expectations
Outlook on the Future	Frequent anxiety about the future	Harbour unwavering hope for the days ahead
Handling Weaknesses	Struggle with insecurities linked to weaknesses; may veer into pride while compensating	Acknowledge weaknesses without allowing them to define their worth; lean on God for strength in those areas
Response to Correction	Find it challenging to submit and accept correction	Remain teachable and open to correction for personal growth and maturity
Impact On Children	Repels their spiritual or biological parents or children, creating strife and competition	Attract and respect their parents or children, leading with love and care. Acting as shepherds who nurture their flock
Identity	Derives their identity from material possessions, physical appearance, and external activities.	Anchors their identity in ‘sonship’ and the Heavenly Father’s affirmation, no longer seeking validation from external sources.

It’s important to realize the motives behind every action, for example, a person who has a natural gift in sports may compete for a club or professionally, but they are doing it from a place where they are secure in God’s love for them, rather than a need to prove themselves or to out-do others. 

Checking Your Motives

Impure motives can be demonstrated if an orphan spirit is present. Having pure motives is what we all should have in life.  

Impure motives:

⁃ Self-promotion

⁃ Wanting to increase personal platform, (can be accompanied by the spirit of seduction)

⁃ Expecting a cure for rejection or abandonment (only God can heal this)

⁃ Wanting to use other’s resources

Pure motives:

⁃ To be a blessing and add value

⁃ To seek guidance and wise counsel

⁃ To serve a ministry/vision bigger than yours

⁃ Kingdom advancement

Ask yourself are your motives pure? May pray and focus on Psalm 51 and ask God for a clean heart.

Psalm 51:10-19 – Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.

From a Child of God to Sonship

When you accept Jesus as your lord and savior you become a ‘child’ of God. A child of God needs training, which involves lots of study of the word (scriptures) and changes, so your lifestyle can accommodate the Holy Spirit to build your character and heal you. When Jesus died we received an inheritance, you do need to be anyone special or work to receive an inheritance, you just receive it.

Sonship needs to be developed, this is where you know your inheritance in Christ and how to use it. This requires you to be submitted so you can be led, and be led by the Holy Spirit.

What are you being led by?

• Your past
• Your desires
• Your emotions
• Your culture
• Or the Holy Spirit

You must be led by the Holy Spirit, not your flesh, not your desires, and not your situation.

You need the Holy Spirit to advance and mature from scripture to revelation.

You need sonship to operate fully in your true identity to fulfill your destiny and purpose.

Sonship Requirements

In order to effectively experience the spirit of Sonship you need to:

⁃ Willingness to submit and be adaptable

⁃ Sacrifice

⁃ Open to changing old beliefs patterns and behaviours

⁃ Faith and patience 

⁃ Total dependence on God

⁃ Commitment to stay focused until your mind is renewed (so you can experience lasting transformation)

⁃ Ability to take responsibility for your actions and behaviors

There are no shortcuts when you follow Jesus, but the rewards are great and your foundation will be very deep and stable.

Action Plan

Here are some helpful steps toward healing:

1. Learn the acceptance of God as your heavenly Father (Ephesians 1:5-7). Study and learn (it takes time so be patient and consistent). You don’t need to do anything for God’s acceptance, just focus on learning about his acceptance and love (which you don’t need to earn).

2. Assess yourself and see what false identities you have formed, and make the decision to let them go along with any wrong associations.

3. Surrender yourself to the Holy Spirit, make any necessary lifestyle changes, and spend as much time learning about the Holy Spirit, because it’s the Holy Spirit who really forms your identity in Christ.

4. Seek wise counsel or join a mentorship group like the Core Group or JCH

5. Study scriptures on acceptance, adoption, and forgiveness (write them down, stick them around your home, and say them frequently throughout your day with a deep belief in the scriptures).

Conclusion

The journey from the Orphan Spirit to Sonship is a profound transformation, one that involves understanding our motives, recognizing impure and pure desires, and embracing the deep love of God. By breaking the Orphan Spirit and embracing the identity of sons and daughters, we can walk confidently in the acceptance and inheritance offered by our heavenly Father. No matter how bad your relationship was or is with your biological parents or children, we are still all God’s children through Christ. As we continue to grow in our relationship with God and others, we become better equipped to serve from a place of sonship. Experiencing the fullness of His blessings in our lives becoming better parents and raising healthy, strong children.