At Kingdom Lifestyle, we believe in the significance of marriage as a divine institution, guided by biblical principles and aimed at fostering strong, fulfilling relationships. For many, it is a beautiful union between two souls who vow to love, honor, and cherish each other for a lifetime. But beyond the cultural and societal aspects, what does the Bible say about marriage? Let’s explore the divine perspective on this sacred bond and discover the principles and values it upholds.

The Divine Origin of Marriage

Marriage finds its roots in the very fabric of creation itself. God first made Adam then said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” (Genesis 2:18)  And so God made a woman from the rib he took out of Adam whilst he was asleep and then presented her to him. The creation of a woman from the rib of a man highlights this intimate connection between husband and wife, as God ordained marriage as a sacred union between a man and a woman.

As stated in the Book of Genesis, ‘God created man in His own image…male and female He created them. Then God blessed them, and God said to them, ‘Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth’ (Genesis 1:27-28). This verse sets the foundation for the union of man and woman in marriage and their role in procreation. The structure of a family is part of God’s divine plan for man and woman to reflect the glory of God’s creation.

The Bond of Oneness

The Bible emphasizes the profound unity that marriage brings. When God created Eve and presented her to Adam, the man declared, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh… Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh” (Genesis 2:23, 24). While husband and wife remain distinct individuals, their union represents a harmonious oneness in purpose. They share common values, goals, and outlook, working together to build a strong, godly family and raise their children to be virtuous individuals.

God’s Ideal and the Sanctity of Marriage

It is crucial to recognize that God Himself initiated the institution of marriage in the idyllic setting of Eden. From the beginning, God’s design for marriage involved a lifelong commitment between one man and one woman, united in a bond of love, loyalty, and mutual support. Although humanity has not always supported this ideal, straying away from God’s plan, we firmly believe that His way remains the best way to establish and sustain a solid marital relationship.

God’s Institution – Sacrificial Commitment

Marriage is not to be taken lightly; it is a lifelong commitment. Ephesians 5 highlights the importance of mutual love and respect between spouses.  Specifically, Ephesians 5:25 says ‘Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her’. This type of love is sacrificial, not selfish, marriage mirrors the relationship between Christ and the Church. Marriage is more than a legal contract; it is a sacred covenant between God and man.

Marriage Is Not A Cure for Loneliness

Notice God said ‘It’s not good for man to be alone’ not ‘Adam was lonely’. Adam didn’t ask for a woman, he was happy in the garden of Eden communing with God.  This is a reminder that Adam was in the presence of the Lord, happy and healthy and this is the state that man needs to be in first before he has a relationship with a woman. If a man is lonely, he needs God, not a woman because it’s only the presence of the Lord that can fill that void. 

A Good Marriage Takes Work

The model of a biblical marriage is revealed in Ephesians chapter 5. Whatever stage you are at, build your marriage on God’s word. A good marriage takes effort and you have to work at it, just like you do anything else. Just like champions have to work hard when faced with challenges the same applies to your marriage. Don’t give up at the first hurdle, face the challenges with the word of God. Marriage is worth fighting for.   

A Wife Is To Be By Mans Side…Not Behind

Although Men are the head of the house, in the book of Genesis we see a woman was made from the rib of a man (to be by his side, not behind him).  She was made to be a helper (just like the holy spirit is called the helper and when the Holy Spirit comes he empowers you). Akin to the Holy Spirit, a wife is empowered to help the husband, she holds great power and influence and sets the tone in the home.

Why Pride is the Problem in Your Marriage

Most marital issues actually stem from the root of pride, because pride is all about ‘me, me, me’ and marriage is about ‘we, which is you and me’.  When pride is present in a marriage it can affect your intimacy with your spouse, your sex life, your trust, and your communication with each other.  Regardless of if you’re married to a Christian or an unbeliever, the removal of pride will solve most of your problems.

Signs Of Pride 

1- CONSIDERING YOURSELF MORE SUPERIOR OR IMPORTANT COMPARED TO YOUR SPOUSE

(Men and women have different strengths and are equally as important as each other. Recognize your spouse’s weaknesses and use your strengths to cover them and support them in the areas they aren’t as strong as you. It’s pride that thinks it’s better and must be seen and heard, a humble heart does not need to compete or parade itself for attention or acknowledgment).

2- EXPECTING YOUR NEEDS TO BE MET AS YOUR NUMBER ONE PRIORITY

(Husband and wife are meant to serve each other equally and selflessly. The moment the relationship starts to resemble that of a giving parent and consuming child, your relationship tends to become toxic and very selfish. Having too many expectations and taking offense when they aren’t met is a sign of pride. It is pride that tells you that your needs are more important. And there is no pride in love because love is about giving not taking, love does not seek itself). 

3- GETTING OFFENDED BY CORRECTION OR BY YOUR SPOUSE’S FEELINGS OR OPINIONS

(A man and woman are there to support each other and to watch out for each other’s blind spots, which is why trusting correction is necessary so you can stay on the path of righteousness.  However, this is not an excuse to manipulate, control, or be hurtful when expressing your feelings or opinions. A humble heart can accept correction without offense because it is pride that produces offense, either in trying to offend others for control or refusing to accept correction for any wrongdoing).

4- FAULT FINDING, CRITICISING AND JUDGING YOUR SPOUSE

(Genesis 2:25 says ‘And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.’ Regardless of your flaws and imperfections, you should feel a level of trust without the need for any defensive behaviour. A man and woman need to feel vulnerable with each other knowing that they won’t be judged or critised. Love is what covers your spouse’s imperfections. Critising and finding fault is from pride and will only create distance and defensive behaviour to arise). 

5- BEING UNGRATEFUL AND HAVING TOO MANY EXPECTATIONS

(A grateful heart will always extend love and when a husband and wife show their gratitude towards each other it creates a stronger connection of trust that builds stability. Being ungrateful is a sign of pride, your expectations have shadowed the very effort your spouse has made with what they have. This can lead to bitterness, and becoming hard-hearted withdrawing any effort or emotion in the relationship. A simple thankyou can save so much heartache).

6. THINKING YOU KNOW WHAT’S BEST OR REFUSING TO ACCEPT ANY HELP OR ADVICE

(Submitting to wise counsel and authority is a sign of maturity. Although women are to submit to their husbands, a man must acknowledge the guidance and wisdom of a godly authority figure. This keeps him humble, stable, and on the right path. No champion ever won thinking he knows better, but rather taking the direction of his coach. The same applies to marriage, both men and women are to submit to godly authority. If you think you know it all without any guidance or experience that’s a sign pride is present).

7- CONSTANT NEED TO INTIMIDATE, DOMINATE, OR CONTROL YOUR SPOUSE

(Man and woman are to have dominion together, this unity is supported by mutual respect, trust, and love. When a husband and wife allow each other the space to lead and express themselves equally, they generate power and influence that couldn’t be achieved if done separately. The moment you try to dominate or control your partner you only highlight your own insecurity and this allows pride to take over. A humble heart allows this space for leadership to lead rather than to dictate from pride). 

Humility is the Solution

Humility is not thinking less of yourself, but rather thinking of your ‘self’ less.  This means you know your worth and value without trying to prove it or seek attention for it. It also means to think of the needs of others instead of always seeking your own needs first. Just like you can exercise your physical muscles to get stronger, you too can exercise your humility to defeat pride and enjoy the power of unity in marriage.

How To Exercise Humility

1. LISTEN WITHOUT DEFENDING

(Allowing your spouse to speak uninterrupted and express themselves freely will create a space of safety and trust. If you get offended, pay attention because this will highlight where you need help and healing.)

2. TAKE ACCOUNTABILITY

(Take responsibility for your actions and how they affect your spouse.  Sincerely apologize for your actions and make corrections regarding your actions and your mentality.)

3. WITHDRAW ALL JUDGEMENTS

(The moment you notice you are judging your spouse, or even yourself, stop and acknowledge you are judging. And instead, choose to learn and understand the thing you are judging yourself or your spouse about. These judgments are indicators of areas you need help and need to heal.) 

4. GIVE THANKS AND PRAISE

(Pay a compliment, and say thank you more often. Start and end your day by giving thanks and praise to your spouse for the things they do, no matter how small of an effort they made.)

5. SERVE AND GIVE WITHOUT EXPECTATION

(Be selfless in your service and giving to your partner, just serve and give because you can. Not because you want something in return.)

What The Bible Says About Marriage: Keeping The Love Alive

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 explains the qualities of love, this is the type of love a strong marriage is built on.

‘Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.’

The opposite of love isn’t hate it is actually pride. When studying the qualities of love we see it is the same as humility.

Biblical Traits of a Godly Husband and Wife

Both man and woman should be rooted in the word of God, this is the foundation you build your character and your life. They should both be faithful, loyal, self-controlled, and respectful towards each other.

A Godly Husband: 

1- Able to provide, protect, and cover his wife and children. 

2- Be able to manage his money and desires (to be disciplined).

3- Be submitted to a godly authority. 

A Godly Wife: 

1- Able to nurture and maintain cleanliness.

2- Happy to submit and be kind. 

3- Modest in her dressing. 

Sexual Faithfulness – Fidelity in Marriage

The Bible places great importance on sexual faithfulness within marriage. Adultery and divorce are spoken against, and couples are encouraged to keep the marriage bed pure and maintain sexual intimacy within the confines of their monogamous relationship.

God’s Relationship – A Reflection of His Love

Marriage is more than a human bond; it reflects God’s relationship with His people. The unconditional love, commitment, and unity found in a godly marriage mirror the love that God has for His creation. The marriage covenant teaches us about sacrificial love and the beauty of selfless devotion.

Marriage That Inspires

Through their commitment to one another and their shared faith, married couples can display the transformative power of God’s love. Their marriage becomes a platform for reflecting the glory of God, impacting not only their own lives but also the lives of those around them (John 13:35).

Married To An Unbeliever?

The Bible states that a believer shouldn’t marry an unbeliever, “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers . . .” (2 Cor. 6:14). In so many cases, neither the husband nor the wife are Christians when they get married, or in some instances, a believer marries an unbeliever. But afterward, one of them gets saved, or even both. Keep in mind, if you are married to an unbeliever you will encounter a lot of spiritual warfare.

Remember Paul covers that in 1 Corinthians 7:12–16. If the unbeliever is pleased to dwell with the Christian, that’s fine. But if the unbeliever is running around committing adultery or is heavily abusive in any way, and is not pleased to dwell with the Christian spouse, then let the unbeliever depart. Each situation is different and must be approached with wisdom and with the mind of Christ.

Domineering Wife? 

A dominating wife completely disrupts the Godly order of marriage, as highlighted in Genesis God made Adam to cultivate the garden and have dominion.  He made a woman as a help meet whereby she is to ‘help’ and support the man so together they can be fruitful and multiply in which they rule and have dominion together. A woman is meant to help a man, not to dominate or control him. This does not in any way diminish the position of a woman but shows that she holds significance and power. If Adam didn’t need Eve then God would not have made her in the first place. Clearly, a woman’s role as a helper is crucial for a man to fulfill his vision and destiny, their unity is how God’s plan and purpose come to fruition.

Most of the time a domineering wife has deeply rooted issues that require deliverance and healing. She may have a generational curse still active or suffered from childhood abuse that bruised her trust and produced an unhealthy need to dominate and control others. A woman with a quiet gentle spirit is deemed highly valuable in the eyes of God, but this doesn’t mean she has no voice or is a doormat. Rather she doesn’t draw too much attention to herself and has a humble heart that loves to serve.

Abusive Husband? 

Most sufferings of domestic abuse are rooted in selfishness and pride. But when both husband and wife surrender to serve each other they are submitted to God, because this is how God designed marriage to be filled with love and honor for man and woman to rule together. It is advised to have a trusted leader like a Pastor or Elder to help counsel the relationship however if the abuse is out of hand you must seek help and consider your safety.

A man’s prayers can be hindered due to disrespect and dishonor towards his wife. 1 Peter 3:7 even states ‘Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.’ 

Tiphani Montgomery – The Year of the Bride

Tiphani Montgomery (a woman of God) has an effective and powerful fast titled ‘The Year of The Bride’ it’s suitable for singles, married, divorced, unhappily married, or happily married, whatever your situation we highly recommend participating in this transformational fast.

Conclusion

In conclusion, the Bible holds profound wisdom regarding marriage, portraying it as a divine gift intended to enrich and fulfill our lives. A God-centered marriage is characterized by lifelong commitment, love, respect, and sexual faithfulness. By eliminating pride and exercising humility you solve most of your marital problems. 

Ultimately, a successful marriage is rooted in the understanding that it is not just a union of two individuals, but a covenant established and blessed by God Himself. By embracing the biblical principles of marriage, couples can build strong foundations for lasting love and happiness.